A parent on a Los Angeles parent list posted today, "We wondered what other parents are giving their teenage children for 'allowance'...we just want to know if we are giving our daughter too little or too much." The parent noted that the child drives herself back and forth to school and they gave her $60 a week to cover gas and "lunch" (in quotes, because the student always waited until she got home to fix lunch). The parent also noted that the student always seemed to be asking for more money come the weekend.
Another parent sympathized with the quandary. "I am torn between wanting to pay for them to go out to eat with their friends because I love seeing them out having fun vs. what should they pay on their own to teach them responsibility."
It felt like the parents really wanted to give their kids enough money to enjoy life. It was sweet and generous. One parent explicitly asked for advice and stories, but no "judgement." And yet, the judging side of me could not help but recall spending my teen days at the mall, running on a single $1 Hotdog-on-a-Stick because there was no way I was spending more than that (back in the day, when I made $3.10 an hour!) on food.
Reading these posts, I felt stuck between wanting to be a generous parent and wanting my child to suffer (you know, just like I did!).
Then, my 5:30 SAT tutoring appointment was a few minutes late. It's not uncommon. Students walk in late all the time. Traffic in LA can be rough. After school activities run late. They lose track of the time. They oversleep. No big deal. But Alejandra came rushing in, breathing hard, "I'm sorry... the bus!"
She wasted no time getting to a desk and pulling folders out of her backpack.
"Did you do your work for me?" I asked, as I always ask. "Of course! I'm paying for this myself!"
At that moment, it clicked. This is why the generous side of me should NOT prevail; we should not give Quinn spending money. Most of my students cruise in, take a few minutes to get their work out, stop in the bathroom, and then want to answer their texts during tutoring. They do their homework about 50% of the time. They want SAT prep -- they definitely want to raise their SAT scores! - but they don't value the time like Alejandra does. Alejandra who spent winter break chasing kids around the L.A. Live ice rink so that she could come to EdBoost and work on her SAT scores.
I also thought of Jessica, one of our star students, whom we recently hired as a tutor (and who, I am proud to say is universally both loved and feared by students!). We're doing college applications together, and unlike so many other students who apply willy-nilly, she thought carefully about every school she added to her Common Application. Her family is low-income so almost all of her application fees have been waived, but she'd be covering the cost of the extra SAT reports. "Oh! That's not bad at all!" she exclaimed, surprised but grateful to learn that she could cover a school ($11.25) with just an hour of work.
I think I'll pay Quinn's college application fees. I paid for all of my own gas, entertainment, and food out (though I had free range of the pantry for me and my friends!) but my mom covered SAT and AP costs and college app fees. That still seems fair to me. SAT tutoring? That's a harder one. I'm considering the tack taken by another recent student's family. I complimented him for ALWAYS doing his homework. He laughed, "My mom says if I miss even one assignment, I have to pay for my own tutoring!" He never missed a page.
